Death by a thousand cuts

Hey there 🙂

It has been a hard couple of months! Agree? And the last few weeks have been especially emotionally torturing for me.

Sitting at home, staring at the walls and ceiling, waiting for the final exams to be conducted, not meeting my friends, listening to the same old boring playlist, watching ages old movies, and listening to bad news so frequently has affected my sanity in end number of ways! I wasn’t even able to get myself write or read a blog post.

A couple of weeks ago, my grandfather was really ill, all of us (my parents and sister) were so worried! And to make this situation worse, there were no flights for us to go there! Luckily he’s healthy now❤

I didn’t even get a chance to meet my extended family this year, and I miss them so damn bad!

This Corona shit is getting the worst out of me. Till now I was like “okay, it’ll be okay”. BUT I’M DONE WITH BEING OKAY. This is too much, the world had seen way too much than it deserves! People are sick, there’s inequality everywhere and it’s getting harder and harder to stay put and put on a brave face.

Last Sunday, one of the most talented actors from my country committed suicide. That news broke me. It literally broke me down. He was one of the most positive actors we had, he was so focused, calm, down to earth and talented.

There’s an irony too, his last movie was about how to deal with suicidal thoughts. The main message was that we should never give up. But he gave up. He just gave up.

I wasn’t a die heart fan or anything, but he was just 34 year old. Listening to songs from his movies makes me wanna cry. He was apparently suffering from depression.

This is something most of us are probably ignoring. During such times feeling alone is so common that we forget to check on those we love. Not everyone is same. I’m feeling so upset, so there can be someone out there who’s living alone, locked up in his home, with no one to talk to, lost in thoughts, who needs help. Help as in someone to share his feelings with. Why can’t we be that SOMEONE?

All I wanted to say in this blog post was let’s check up on our loved ones. Our family and friends. And let them know that we are there for them no matter what! Okay?

We are in this together, and we’ll get out of it together. Hope you are healthy and safe wherever you are. I’m sorry I haven’t read your posts lately, but I’ll try to catch up x

Just so you know, I’m here for you guys too! Loads of love dearies❤

Be positive,

Byeee

Penny x

My art work♡

Heyyy lovely readers ♡ As I promised, I’m here with a few of my artworks, hope you enjoy it x

P.S I’m sharing a piece of my heart with you😂💕 I’ve spent weeks and months on these drawings💜

Conan gray!

I love his music, his songs give me a rush of energy that I always need♥️ which is your favorite song by conan gray?

Me before you♡

This book broke my heart into a million little pieces, but I still love it! I love will more than Louisa loves him lol. Facts💕

Coco♥️💕

Who doesn’t love this movie? It is revolutionary💯

Joaquin Phoenix

This movie was AMAZING. Yes, i was depressed after watching it, but it was worth a watch! Joaquin Phoenix nailed his role!

Mr.Bing and Joey

The most iconic duo ever!!!💯

A whole new world🌻
Deepika padukone 💖
Everyone’s favorite childhood fantasy 💞
One direction ♡

These guys had my early teenage heart♥️ i hope they reunite on their 10th anniversary this year ♡

What do you guys think? Do you like my artwork?

Feels like you guys know me a little more now, because art is such an important part of my life💞

Hope you guys liked this post! Was a bit different than my other posts, haha x

Byeee,

Penny xxx

Approved!

Have you ever wondered how many times you do things just to get an approval from someone else? Mostly someone who don’t even know you as a person. I do that. And i do that all the time. I have an art account on instagram, where i post all my drawings and paintings. While posting every painting, the one thing that’s always on my mind is, “i hope everybody likes it”, and when i don’t get the number of likes or comments that i had expected, i become upset. And the next time i post something, i do the samw thing. i goes on and on, like a never ending cycle!

“You are not the opinion of someone who don’t know you”

Taylor Swift

I look upto this quote each and everyday, but always fail to live by it. In the world of virtual reality, we sometimes lose ourselves in the search of a better self. We forget what we are, but keep working on what we want to be. Which is obviously not wrong. Everybody wants to be better, and stand out in the world. But the truth is, what we think is our better self, is always an expectation someone has from us. It is always an outcome of someone’s else’s definition of “perfect”. And when we don’t get to that level, disappointment takes over.

Do things that makes YOU happy!

In this race of being better than everyone else and to fit in, stop for a while and think what YOU want. And while thinking, don’t wonder about what others want from you. When you work hard towards achieving your goals (something that your heart desires), there’s a sense of satisfaction at the end. But when you keep working to get approval from someone else, there’s no sense of satisfaction, because there’s no end to expectations! If today, you achieve something a person wanted you to achieve, tomorrow somebody else would come up with something even higher. As i said earlier, the cycle goes on and on!

You can experience happiness only when you cross the finish line, but when there’s no finish line, you keep running till the end. The crowd cheers for you for a while, but after a point of time, they find someone else with more capabilities than you, which leaves you alone.

So what I’m trying to say is, let’s take a pledge that whatever we do from now on, is what we ACTUALLY want to do. Don’t change or alter your goals just because a particular person thinks that you are not capable. You are what you love. Never doubt yourself. Because when you do that, you lose control over yourself.

Believe. And keep believing till your wishes comes true x

This is a topic that i’ve always felt really strongly about! Today i finally decided to share it with you x

What do YOU think about the life of approvals that we are living? Comment your thoughts below, i would love to have a little chat about it! 🙂

loads of love x

Bye,

Penny xxx

Something feels magical💖

Have you ever experienced your wildest dreams coming true? The things you thought would never happen are ACTUALLY happenning!!!

Well that is what is exactly happening to me! Buckle up people, you are about to dive into an ocean of Penny’s dreams💜 (sorry if my grammar sucks)

So, I’m going to talk about my crush finally! *drumrolls please* I met him in September 2019, so it’s been like 6 months. The moment I saw him everything else stopped for a while, it was as if the earth had stopped rotating for a while, just for me to get a proper look of him! He was sitting on a chair, practicing on his casio for his performance (we were there for a cultural competition, organized between different schools). I still remember the lovely melody he played, like I said, i was lost.

He is in my school, I hadn’t seen him before that (I regret that now, because after quarantine is over, we’ll move to different places for our colleges) it sucks right?

That day, after our performances were over we sang random songs on guitar continuously for like 3 hours! IT WAS ABSOLUTELY MAGICAL! (Did I tell you that I was dressed as a Japanese that day?) So basically the first time he saw me, he saw me as a Japanese me 😂. His parting words were “was great to meet you” (yes, ofcourse I remember)

Luckily, we kept in touch. We didn’t meet often in school, because our subjects were totally different. All day long I would think how it would be like to talk to him and be his friend!

So you’d have noticed by now that I’m totally obsessed by him! Why you’d ask? Because… he’s perfect! (As much as I know him), he’s really generous, talks nicely, very considerate, he sings, he plays keyboard and guitar, he draws, he dances, he writes beautiful Poems! I mean WOAH! right?

So this time, i.e the period of quarantine gave me a chance to you know get to know him better, (through texting obviously). And to my surprise, we’ve become really good friends! And while talking, I got to know that he likes someone else, probably more than I like him. But SHE doesn’t like him back (I don’t know whyyy!)

So I’ve decided that I won’t ever tell him about my feelings, because I don’t wanna create confusion for him when he likes someone else, that won’t be nice and I REALLY don’t wanna ruin our friendship due to clash of feelings x

Ever since I met him, I had the wish to sing with him, like to properly sing a duet with him, and YOU KNOW WHAT? He called me on Saturday asking me if i was interested in singing a duet with him! SO COOL RIGHT? I didn’t need to think to say “yesss ofcourse ” So we are done recording our duet (technology rocks). We sang “city of stars” from La La Land, and I honestly love how our voices fit together! I want you guys to listen to it so bad! But that would go against my rules of keeping this blog anonymous 😦 And the last thing I want is him discovering this blog, so that’s a huge NO NO 😦

I hope that if not love, we remain friends for a long time , if not forever. Because he’s the first guy I’ve liked SO MUCH! I don’t wanna force my feelings on him, making me look like a creep, nor I want to ruin our new friendship💖

Have you ever liked someone so much, that you didn’t express your feelings with the fear of hurting THEIR feelings?

I have no idea how I gathered the guts to write about him! But I’m glad I did!

P.S you guys are the only people apart from me who knows this, so… hush x

Bye,

Penny xxx (who’s blushing so hard right now)

I WAS NOMINATED FOR THE HUSTLER BLOGGER AWARD ♡

Heyyy my lovely readers! Yesterday I was asked by Thony, markanthonyswall.wordpress.com to participate in this award, and I’m totally thrilled to do it♡

So here it goes!

RULES

  1. Make Sure to include the banner in your award post. You can make it the featured photo or you can just attach it along the blog post. (check)
  2. Be sure to give the creator (the amazing markanthonyswall.wordpress.com) pingback on your post, so he’ll be able to read them. (check)
  3. You can nominate numerous bloggers of your choice, but make sure it isn’t less than 5 people.
  4. Answer the questions.
  5. The person who’s being nominated, and who’s about to nominate can add one more question of his/her choice to his/her nominees.

Questions♡


° Why did you started a blog?

I really wanted a space where I could totally be myself without anyone judging me, and that’s one of the reasons why my blog is anonymous. My real name is not Penny, but I love this new identity of myself as a writer ❤ People here on word press are so supportive! I wanted a place just like this to share my messy thoughts with people who don’t know me x

° What/who inspired you to do it?

So I read this book called “Girl online” by Zoella, in which the lead girl is a blogger (her name is penny, and hence my username is penny too). She is a clumsy person in real life but on her blog she expresses her thoughts and ideas freely and people love her! This is what inspired me to create MY OWN SPACE♡

° What motivates you to keep pushing and creating content and make your site alive?

Ofcourse all the amazing readers! You guys support me so much! It’s like a virtual family that I’ve created for myself ♡ whenever I’m in a state of confusion the first thought is my mind is “let’s blog about it”. The feeling of satisfaction and happiness I get from blogging is what keeps me going♥️

° Who are your fave bloggers? And how do they urge you to grow as well?

My most favorite blogger here is Amber (amberreadsonline.wordpress.com)! She has been a constant support to me ever since I started this blog and I love her style of writing ❤ She is like my guide in a spinning maize, giving me simple solutions to complicated problems and helping me see things through a different perspective ♡ Another one of my favorite bloggers is Gracie (graciechicksblog.wordpress.com)! She’s younger than me but her suggestions are so helpful! She has made me realize that sometimes its not the experience but the point of view that matters, and yes! Her blog is beautiful 🌹

° What lesson/s have you learned through your experience?

Never think that you are alone, because someone, somewhere out there is going through the same situation as you and talking actually helps x

° Have blogging brought impact to you as a person? If yes, what are these?

Oh yes! Blogging has made me a much more confident and positive person and it has helped me to rise above my insecurities and see things in a different light! All thanks to the amazing bloggers on wordpress 💜

° Not everyone are confident enough to start a blog, what advice can you give em’?

Writing is as helpful as meditation! It provides a way out to all your clumsy and chaotic thoughts, and maybe the things you find negative may seem positive to some other person. Blogging actually helps you to see what different people think about the same situation and helps you in reanalysing your life💜

° Give 3 facts about you as a blogger (strengths or flaws)

1) I’m a conscious writer 2) I waste a lot of my time correcting grammatical errors 3) I hesitate to write about my crushes (now that’s a huge issue😂)

° Drop down your blog post which you are most proud of (together with the link so we can read it)

https://pennygirlonline2002.wordpress.com/2019/01/12/perfect/

5. The person who’s being nominated, and who’s about to nominate can add one more question of his/her choice to his/her nominees. [your additional question here]

So my additional question is,

Does it scare you that someday one of your friends might find your secret blog? (If it is a secret)

I nominate-

graciechicksblog.wordpress.com

thestripedplaid.com

https://ambersreadsonline.wordpress.com

1oddity.wordpress.com

elsielmc.wordpress.com

wwaterunderthebridge.wordpress.com

marshmallowharmonies.wordpress.com

Hope you keep this chain going x

Bye,

Penny xxx

You’re not like the other girls

This is a sentence I get to hear a lot in the world around me. “You are not like the other girls”. My question is, who are the other girls? Are not all girls the same? Why do guys have to use this as their punch line to ask someone out? I don’t know why, but it bugs me. It really does.

A few months ago, one of my classmates asked me out and I directly said no. After a while he started telling me how much he liked me, because I’m not like “the other girls” according to him. I told him that why would I waste my time on him when I’ve got no feelings at all! It would not be fair to both of us. So, a few weeks ago he texted me “I trusted you, but you broke my trust (the typical boy tantrums), I thought you were as good as my sister, BUT YOU’RE NOT, NOT AT ALL NEAR TO HOW GOOD SHE IS, I was wrong about you! If only you’d have told me that you like someone else (apparently someone had spread rumours about me liking someone else) {which is actually true though, but no one except me knows that lol}”

So basically what he wanted was me to like him just because he liked me. I was clear from the very beginning, so there’s no point of “trust breaking”, right?

This thing has been hovering over my head like a ghost, so I needed to get it out! What do guys think they’ll achieve comparing girls to one another? (I’m not against the Male species, to be clear, it’s just that some boys really do suck)

I hope this post isn’t too dramatic. I just wrote what I thought. I’m not talking to that guy at all now! Was that the right thing to do? I need your help x you guys have been really great at this stuff ♡

Thank you for reading my rantings x

Bye,

Penny xxx

Add a bit of colour x

“BORING” is the only thing I can think about these days. I’ve been lying around the house and roaming like a ghost for the past week. And when I look back and analyze, my productivity, it counts up to ZERO. I know that’s super bad.

But I’ve started to read some of my novels, that have been sitting on my shelf forever 😂

But when I think about it, it is actually a great time to get a clear picture about everything, whether it is about your creativity or some drama going on in your life (I’ll talk about that in then next blog post ) And I’ve come to realize that for the stuff I’ve been blaming myself for the past few months, isn’t actually my fault. ( I know you are confused, but as I said next blog post).

I have so much time to think, that all I do is THINK. And its actually quite relaxing! I’ve started painting some pictures and drawing some portraits (none of which are complete yet lol)

So what made me write this post was, I wanted to know how are you guys adding “a bit of colour” in your life these days? I’d love to talk to you guys about it x. It’s been a while since I’ve had a fun conversation with my readers♡

I hope you write about your colorful life so that all of us can get some inspiration x will be waiting for your replies♡

Bye,

Penny xxx

A punishment.

Such a weird time in the world right now, isn’t it? We are all in a chaos that none of us thought we’ll live to see. It breaks my heart to see millions of people suffering like this. Who thought that someday the whole wide world would be locked in the four walls of their home? Sometimes I pinch myself to make my brain believe that whatever that is happening is real!

Trapped in our homes, we are so damn confused about what to do, how to spend our time! But have you ever wondered how earth would have felt when we tortured it all these years? Think about it that way. The earth lost all Hopes that us humans would be sensitive enough to think about it, so it started healing itself. Just see the sky from your balcony and see the difference. It looks so clean and fresh unlike the dusty mornings when everything was normal FOR US and when THE EARTH WAS HURT.

It is okay to feel scared, but just don’t leave your homes. Stay in, watch Netflix, sing your heart out loud, write blogs, read book, draw beautiful sceneries, dance like you’ve never danced before, and see this as a last warning from our mother earth. She is sick of all our mischievous and is punishing us. Maybe hoping that her kids would learn an important lesson in their lives!

Stay safe, be healthy and keep your spirits up. It’s all going to be okay. Because together we can♡

Bye x

Penny x

Dancing in the snow♡

Hold my hand in the darkened ways,

Guide me through this spinning maize

I want you by my side every moment,

Can’t we be better than romeo and juliet?

I like it when you look in my eyes,

But I love it when you hold me close, making true all the lies

Sparks fly when you give me that smile,

Gravity gives up, in the sky ,my heart flies

Darling, promise me that you’ll stay the same

On seeing me, people would call your name

Everytime you talk,

I become a witness to the most splendid poem ever written

Would you mind dancing in the snow with me?

Under a street light and the starry sea

I’ll sing and you hum the tune,

It’d be a song just for you and me

___________________________________

HEY I’M BACK! THIS IS SOMETHING I WROTE FOR SOMEONE I’M RECENTLY CRUSHING OVER 😂♥️

hope you like it x

Bye,

Penny xxx

Thank you 2019!

2019 has been a great learning experience for me!

I know I’ve been the worst blogger, but I’ve got my 12th finals coming up in 2 months! AND I’M SO DAMN NERVOUS ☹

How have you been? (Let me know in the comments)

2019-what all I experienced.

A few months ago, one of my batch mates committed sucide, and that was the most horrific time I’d ever been in my life. It was like I was stuck in the spirals of my thoughts! Each and every moment I would think of her and why she took such a huge step. I would cry till my eyes dried up. I really wanted to write a blog post about it, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get myself to do it. I never shared how actually i felt about the whole situation with anyone, because nothing could explain that weird feeling! (I’ll write a whole another post about it in future)

2019 made me realise how important it is to enjoy each and every moment of the day. I took part in stupidity with my classmates this year and God! It was all so fun! I’m so glad that I’ve made so many new friends over this year, and I cannot wait to make more in 2020.

This year, for the first time in my life did someone actually fell for me. That guy (whom I’ll call Jess) has been asking me out for months now. And I haven’t agreed to it, because its weird and honestly I ddon’t actually like him “that way”. But the thing is,he made me feel important and loved in a way I never thought I would ever feel. But I really dont wanna mess with his feelings, so I’m just staying out of it! (Am I doing it right)

Its already a pretty long post! I’ll keep some things for some other time!

Thank you guys for reading! And I actually completed a year on 21st December here! Yay❤

Hope you dont hate me x

BYE

PENNY XXX